TIPP

When it helps

When your body is hijacked by a big emotion.

Examples

• Temperature. You've just hung up after a call with your mother that went sideways, and you're about to call back and say the thing you can't take back. You bend forward, hold your breath and put your face in a bowl of cold water (above 50°F) for 30 seconds, which triggers the body's diving reflex. The urge is still there, but it's quieter, and you can decide what to do.
• Intense exercise. A grade posts and a teen goes from fine to slamming doors in under a minute. Instead of arguing, they run up and down the stairs as hard as they can for two minutes. Afterward they're still upset, but they can talk about it.
• Paced breathing. An email from your boss lands at 4:55 on a Friday, your chest is tight, and you've already started typing a reply. You step away and breathe in for four counts and out for eight, for two minutes. Then you can reread the email and decide whether it needs an answer tonight.
• Paired muscle relaxation. In a crowded checkout line your heart starts racing and you feel you have to get out. You tense your hands and shoulders as you breathe in, then let them drop as you breathe out, several times in a row. Your heart rate comes down enough to finish paying.

Where people get stuck

• Waiting until you've already acted. TIPP is for when emotion is so high that other skills stop working; use it before you act on the urge.
• Expecting it to fix the problem. It changes your body's state for a short window; use that window for another skill.
• Breathing fast instead of slow. Paced breathing means a longer exhale than inhale, about five or six breaths a minute.

When not to use it

Check with a doctor before using cold water or intense exercise if you have a heart condition, a slow heart rate, take heart medication, or have an eating disorder. When emotion is only mild, other skills fit better.

If you're thinking about suicide or are in crisis, call or text 988 any time, or go to your nearest emergency room.