Interpersonal Effectiveness · DBT skill
FAST
Fair · no Apologies · Stick to values · Truthful
FAST (be Fair, no Apologies, Stick to your values, be Truthful) is how to keep your self-respect in a conversation, so you come out of it still liking how you acted.
The steps
- Ask: what would I tell a friend to do here, to stay solid?
- Fair to yourself — what's your real position, not the polite version?
- Don't over-apologize — if you didn't do harm, don't pretend you did.
- Stick to values + Truthful — say what's true for you, even if it's not what they want.
When it helps
When you're at risk of leaving the conversation feeling smaller.
Examples
- Fair. A coworker asks you to tell the boss that their missed deadline was a team problem. You weigh their position and yours, fairly.
- No apologies. You say, "I'm not going to do that," without "I'm so sorry, I feel terrible." You haven't done anything wrong.
- Stick to your values. Covering for them would mean lying, and honesty matters to you. You hold to that even though they're annoyed.
- Truthful. You don't make up an excuse like "the boss already knows." You tell them plainly why you won't.
Where people get stuck
- Over-apologizing. Apologize when you've done something wrong, not for having a need or an opinion.
- Being fair to them but not to yourself. Fairness runs both ways.
- Bending the truth to make it easier. Small lies cost self-respect over time.
When not to use it
FAST is about how you act, not about winning. If self-respect isn't at stake, DEAR MAN or GIVE may matter more in that moment.
Related skills
- Read the full explainer on our blog →
- DBT glossary →
- How DBT skills groups teach Interpersonal Effectiveness →
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