Interpersonal Effectiveness · DBT skill
Self-Validation
Self-Validation is acknowledging your own emotions and reactions accurately, and recognizing that they make sense given your history and the situation.
The steps
- Name what you're feeling out loud or on paper. "I feel ashamed." "I'm furious."
- Add: "Of course I do — given [what happened]." Connect feeling to context.
- Say: "It makes sense. Anyone in this situation might feel some version of this."
- Notice you don't have to ACT on the feeling to acknowledge it makes sense.
When it helps
When you're judging yourself for having the feelings you're having.
An example
After snapping at a coworker, someone starts in on "I'm such a mess." They stop and tell themselves, "I was exhausted and had been interrupted all morning; of course I was irritable." Then they apologize to the coworker without the extra shame.
Where people get stuck
- Confusing it with excusing. "It makes sense I was angry" doesn't mean the way you acted was okay.
- Skipping the facts. Self-validation fits the facts; it isn't telling yourself every reaction is right.
- Waiting for someone else to validate you first. You can do this on your own.
When not to use it
When a reaction doesn't fit the facts at all. Check the facts first, then validate what does make sense.
Related skills
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