Distress Tolerance · DBT skill
Urge Surfing
Urge surfing is riding out a strong urge by watching it rise, peak and fall in your body, without acting on it and without fighting it.
The steps
- Notice the urge and name it to yourself: "I'm having an urge."
- Find it in your body. Where is it, and what does it feel like? Tight, hot, restless, heavy?
- Rate how strong it is, from 0 to 10.
- Breathe and watch it like a wave: rising, peaking, falling. Don't act on it, and don't fight it. Your breath is the surfboard. You're riding the wave, not trying to stop it.
- When your mind argues for acting, notice those as thoughts and come back to the sensations.
- Rate it again every few minutes. Keep riding until it has passed or is low enough to choose what to do.
In practice
When a strong urge is pulling you to act right now.
An example
After an argument, someone feels a strong pull to send a long, angry text. They put the phone face-down, notice the heat in their chest and the buzzing in their hands, and rate the urge an 8. They breathe with it and keep watching. Ten minutes later it's a 4, and they decide to wait until morning.
Where people get stuck
- Waiting until after you've acted. Urge surfing works in the gap between the urge and the action, so start the moment you notice the pull.
- Fighting the urge. Pushing it away tends to make it louder; the goal is to watch it, not to win against it.
- Expecting it to vanish for good. Urges often come back in waves, and each one you ride makes the next easier.
When not to use it
When the urge is to do something dangerous and you aren't sure you can ride it out. Put distance between yourself and the means first, bring your body down with TIPP, and reach out to someone.
Related skills
Go deeper
- Read the full explainer on our blog →
- DBT glossary →
- How DBT skills groups teach Distress Tolerance →
- How to find real DBT →
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