Distress Tolerance · DBT skill
Pros and Cons
Pros and Cons is a four-box comparison of acting on a crisis urge versus resisting it, so the long-term costs stay in view when the urge is strongest.
The steps
- Draw four boxes: pros of acting on the urge / cons of acting / pros of not acting / cons of not acting.
- Fill them out, especially the pros of NOT acting (often blank when hijacked).
- Look at all four boxes together. Which row is heavier?
- Decide from the bigger picture. Bookmark the page for next time.
When it helps
When you're trying to decide whether to act on an impulse.
An example
Someone who tends to quit jobs after a bad day writes out, on a calm evening, the pros and cons of walking out and of staying. The next time the urge hits, they read the card instead of drafting a resignation email.
Where people get stuck
- Filling in only two boxes. All four matter: pros and cons of acting on the urge, and of not acting on it.
- Doing it for the first time mid-crisis. It works best written ahead of time and kept where you'll see it.
- Leaving out the short-term relief. Be honest that acting on the urge would feel good right now; that's why it's an urge.
When not to use it
When emotion is too high to think clearly enough to write or read a list. Bring it down first with TIPP, then come back to it.
If you're thinking about suicide or are in crisis, call or text 988 any time, or go to your nearest emergency room.
Related skills
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