Mindfulness · DBT skill
Loving-Kindness
Loving-Kindness is a mindfulness practice of silently offering warm wishes to yourself and to others, including people you find difficult.
The steps
- Pick a person — maybe yourself, maybe someone you're hard with.
- Bring their face to mind. Say silently: "May you be safe. May you be well."
- Add: "May you be at ease. May you be free from suffering."
- Stay with it 60 seconds. If it feels fake, that's fine. The practice is repetition.
When it helps
When you need to soften toward yourself or someone else.
An example
Still angry at a coworker after a meeting, someone sits for a minute and silently repeats, "May you be well. May you be at ease," first for themselves, then for the coworker. The anger eases enough that they can answer the coworker's email calmly.
Where people get stuck
- Waiting to feel warm first. The words can feel hollow at first; repetition is the practice.
- Starting with the hardest person. Begin with yourself or someone easy, then work toward people you find difficult.
- Thinking it excuses what someone did. You can wish someone well and still hold them accountable.
What it isn't
It isn't a reason to stay close to someone who harms you. You can wish them well from a distance.
Related skills
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