Emotion Regulation · DBT skill

Opposite Action

Opposite Action is acting opposite to an emotion's urge, all the way, when the emotion doesn't fit the facts or acting on it won't help.

The steps

Half-opposite doesn't work. The brain reads it as confirmation of the original urge.
Identify the full reverse: not "be polite to them" — "warmly include them."
Commit. Tone, body language, words, all aligned with the opposite.
Hold it past your discomfort. The feeling shifts when the action is total.

When you've tried half-measures and they aren't working.

Fear. Anxiety about a class you've already paid for says skip it. You go, sit near the front and answer one question, and the fear eases as your brain learns the class isn't dangerous.
Anger. You're angry at a roommate over dishes, and the anger is bigger than the problem. You step away, then do something small and kind for them in a soft voice, and the anger loses its fuel.
Sadness. Low mood says stay in bed all weekend. You get dressed, take a walk and call a friend, and your mood starts to follow your actions.
Shame. You feel shame about a question you asked in a meeting, though nothing was wrong with it. Instead of hiding, you ask another question in the next meeting, head up, and the shame fades when it isn't obeyed.

Going halfway. Doing the opposite with a resentful tone or slumped posture keeps the emotion going; face, voice and body all have to change.
Using it when the emotion fits the facts. Then problem solving usually comes first.
Stopping too soon. It usually takes repeating the opposite action several times before the emotion shifts.

When the emotion fits the facts and acting on it would be effective, like fear of a real danger. Check the facts first.

Written by FRTC's clinical team. Reviewed by Tanner Oliver, LCSW. Skills practice supports DBT; it isn't a substitute for treatment. How to find real DBT.

Looking for a DBT program in Denver? Send us a message.